I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
