Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've blown a few things in my day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
