I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
