i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
