grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
