I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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