So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
