Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
