yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
