the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
