Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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