Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
