the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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