I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
