somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
