I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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