I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pants are for mortals
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
