How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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