Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize