I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
