we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
