Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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