I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
