think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
