yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
