evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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