I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
