as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
