whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
