he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ruined the universe
Randomize