Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
