So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
