my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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