Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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