Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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