So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
