My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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