my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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