Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
