She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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