you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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