a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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