it hurts more in the daytime
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You took a bar mat shot.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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