i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
id be glad to
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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