I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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