why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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