i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
