just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
