dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
