Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
