Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
