He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
