im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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