it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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