ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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