tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
