I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
