i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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