I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
