I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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