You're my little dorito
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
