I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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