bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
