I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
