I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
