You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
