worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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