Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
