Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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