my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
