I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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