Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
