im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize